Out of Context.

“Nobody likes her nipples yanked on!”.

For the love of God NEVER google yanking on nipples

I’ve actually said that more than once today.  Then again, I also told my 1 year old son to get out of my box.

I’d tell you to take your mind out of the perverse gutter you just threw it in (you sicko), but it may be necessary to keep it there to get my humor here.

A fellow blogger with a rather wry, pompous and yet endearing personage, sparked the idea of how much is said in a day that, taken out of context, must seem so humorously, strange.  And the more I paid attention, the more I realized how much of my brain reacts like that of a five year old. I instinctively laugh like Beavis when someone says balls or that they did their duty.  All I hear is doody.  I can’t help myself.

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Anyway, I started to pay attention to the choice of words I and others use and how they may sound if heard out of context. That’s what led to starting this post with what I shouted at my one year old son who insists that our dog’s nipples are simply irresistible today.  And then the little shit tried to stuff his adorably big head into a little cardboard box I want to use for wrapping ridiculously obnoxious shaped Christmas gifts.  Make more sense now?

Here’s a few more out of context moments that once said, my daughter would ask, “Momma what’s so funny”?

“Honey, come here I’m all wet.”

Pinterest?

Calm down, relax.  This was just me asking my four year old daughter to come help me grab something out of the cabinet because my hands were all wet from doing dishes.  I can only dream that, in the middle of the day on a Tuesday, I would have a reason to say these words in the 50 Shades kind of way they sound.

“Girl, get off the table.  Dancing up there will never end well”.

I knew there was a sports team I belonged playing on.

This was my attempt to remind my daughter that she inherited half a dozen clutz genes from my side of the family.  We fall down standing still.  However, in or out of context, dancing on tables never really does end well.  I could prove this but I’ve put all those pictures away.

“We could lose these kids in the woods pretty easy today”.

obviously

I said this to another Mom in the school corridor, as I watched a few lines of classes head down the hall.  The confusion and slight disgust on her face had me cracking up inside.  She obviously didn’t get the flyer that today was camo day at school.

“You’re going to end up with poop in your teeth!”

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My little guy (also affectionately known as little shit) is on his fourth freakin’ toothbrush because naturally his little body is hypnotized by the all mighty bowl.  The above is what I shouted in disgust at him after he fished his commode water infected toothbrush out of the trash and had it heading right for his mouth.  Eew.  Just Eeewww.

Sometimes it’s not what I say but what comes out of the mouth of my babe.

“Daddy, how do you like your blue balls?”

Upon coming home from shopping, I had told my husband I got him something.  My daughter raced to peak in the bags.  She proceeded to smile and ask the above question.  She mistook the Christmas decorations I bought for his gift.

Think about things you said today or pay more attention tomorrow and please do share your out of context moments with me.  This kind of stuff makes the five year old child living in my brain giggle…alot.

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