Take the Panic Out. A new voice for the new year.

 

Hey you. Yes you. Turn the other voices down so you can at least hear mine. I’m here to help you find some grace and defend your serotonin lacking beautiful brain today. I’m on your side I promise.

Your pacing is killing me though. Just sit down. Yes, I know this means one of the kids is going to notice you and probably want something from you, they’re kids what do u expect? Yes, I understand you feel broken today but your shattered pieces won’t cut them. They will actually help heal you if you can bring yourself to just hold them.

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It hurts.  I know.  The depletion of your self worth is temporary though.  Your baby girl feels the pain radiating from your heart and somehow is able to acknowledge your need for space.  Don’t deny her simple, deserving moments of your attention today.

No!  Do not eat another cookie. These are no doubt your most amazing peanut butter/chocolate combination of love; however, you’ve already put on 10lbs in the past few months.  If you don’t start using a bit more self control, what you stuff inside in hiding will start to show in plain view.  Your uniform of jeggings and baggy sweaters can only conceal so much.

Quit tearing yourself down.  You set the bar too high for yourself on a good day.  Today your just flirting with self sabotage.  Break out some crayons.  It won’t kill the little guy if he eats a few more and his sassy sister will be entertained in her own precious, pink and purple world of hello kitty.  Coloring makes for good conversation…even with these two crazy beings that combined have only graced this earth for 5 little years.

Cut your self some slack.  Commit to yourself that whether it is genuine joy you’re feeling or unexpected sadness, you will be authentic about the moment.  Shame is no longer holding your nerves hostage.  You shed that skin for the last time.  The Celexa is helping you to balance the end of that life…don’t fight it.

You’re getting there.  Just breathe.  Teach your daughter to breathe when frustration gets the best of her.  It will save her a lot of grief if she learns how not to implode over life’s minor screw ups early in life.  You’re doing the best you can and it’s better than expected…you know that.

It’s ok to cry.  Give in to the Disney channel, turn on the hottest shower you can stand and go have an ugly cry.  Detox your soul.  It will uplift you.

Now, quiet the noise and relax your skin.  Take the panic out of the moments and inhale the reality around you.  It’s ok.  You’re ok.

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26 thoughts on “Take the Panic Out. A new voice for the new year.

    • I’m so glad you were able to take something from this one. I found myself gravitating towards my own words the day after I wrote it. I had “one of those days” (a pretty bad one). It’s funny how that happens.
      Happy new year (=

  1. Reblogged this on W.T.F. and commented:

    Despite the humor I have in raising my children and myself, my depression can creep in without notice. In adding a year to my 30-something self this week, I’m most grateful for adding writing to my therapeutic tool box this past year.

    • Thanks Guapo…my birthday is actually Friday but I tend to celebrate it the whole week leading up to it. I’m really not that narcissistic, I just love birthdays. 🙂

      I like your advice… consider it taken.

    • It’s tough sometimes. Always easier in hindsight.

      I wrote this last December while I was stuck in an episode I couldn’t seem to get out of. Writing this, to myself really, helped pull me out.

  2. You should DEFINITELY submit this post to 2014 Blog For Mental Health. I remember these days so well, and you have described my own years as a mother with young kids. Unfortunately, I did not have the presence of mind that you do, and I’m sure my kids suffered for it. Happy Birthday.

    • Thank you so much! I think I definitely will submit this one to BFMH now.

      I think my words may portray more presence of mind than I have, or can practice rather. It’s usually in hindsight that I realize how I should have acted. It’s so incredibly difficult in the moment to recognize your own dysfunctional thinking. It can be overwhelming.

      Thank you so much for the kind words and the birthday wish 🙂 I’m looking forward to celebrating with the hubs and some friends this weekend.

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