Lately, I’ve been getting the urge to watch marathons of 90210 and chain smoke candy cigarettes. Case in point, I now say things that date me terribly.
I need to come to terms with the random gray hairs screaming through the dirty blondness. I made reference to a VCR the other day and my daughter was befuddled. It doesn’t take much to overload a four yr old’s brain; however, it got me thinking. I’m only 32 but already can name things that my kids, even people 10 yrs younger, have never seen, heard of or make fun of when people still reference them. Like the beeper I had in high school.
Myspace. The fact alone that my entrance in to the virtual world of “friends” began on Myspace is enough to tell you I prefer coffee dates over rum induced twerking at midnight. I now believe going out in 10 degree weather without a coat on because it doesn’t go with my outfit is just asinine. I no longer wait until my toes have slight freezer burn before I put my flip flops away.
It took me a good two yrs to convince myself to put a pair of skinny jeans on. I’m a product of stirrup leggings and scars around my ankles from the tight rolled jeans cutting in to my youthful skin. I needed time to heal and about two more years to accept that boots worn over skinny jeans was acceptable. At this point, I’m a “so three seasons ago” fashion criminal.
It’s only going to get worse, I know. I have two small children, one of which has already been tainted with the instant gratification disease of her generation (did you see how I just referenced a “younger” generation…I’m out of control). She will holler for my immediate assistance, as if her clothes spontaneously just caught fire, if she cannot fast forward a commercial. On more than one occasion, I have broken out the “You know, when I was growing up, we didn’t get to choose whether or not we watched commercials!”. When I said that, she was dumbfounded. And then, she hugged me like I just told her I survived the plague. It was bizarre.
My kid’s desire for me to entertain them has forced me to utter the inevitiable, “When I was your age, I used my imagination to find something to do”. I may or may not have also said, “You’re lucky I don’t make you play outside and lock the door behind you”. Yes, I understand that in today’s amped up parental world that would be an offense worthy of hotlining, but in my day (there I go again), it was a reality. Thirst nor hunger would validate coming inside if it was a nice day outside. There was a garden hose and mud pies to hold us over.
I have succumb to listening to adult, contemporary rock stations on the radio. WTF people. I seriously cannot handle my own fuddy duddy-ness lately.
How is it even possible that I have so many “back in the day” stories already. Why am I hatin’ on the Millennials and all their 23 things to do before their metabolism slows down and gravity starts to take a hold of their youthful, perfectly toned skin and flat little bellies? And why does it have to sound so ridiculous when I say things like “cray cray” and “what-ev”? Perhaps it’s because there was also a point in my three decade old life that I said things like “NOT!” and “talk to the hand”.
I don’t know if it is because my 33rd birthday is right around the corner or I’m just having a pity party over just watching Ian Ziering in Sharknado. Why Steve…Why?
Either way, when I say things like “when I was younger” or even worse, “It’s just different nowadays”, I can’t help but feel I’m at a place where my 23-year-old-self would have gone to die (had she been forced to put on a coat, covering up her perfectly coordinated outfit and cleavage).
Yes. I am being over dramatic. Of course I realize 33 is a far cry from doilies on a plastic covered couch. However, it’s just one more reminder that life is flying by. It’s moving faster than an 80’s kid jumpin’ a skip it. It’s racing by like the Days of Thunder. Time is disappearing faster then the hair crimper. How did this happen?? I guess I’ll just Hang Tough and go watch reruns of my favorite sit-coms on Nick at Night. ….”In west Phillidelphia born and raised…” If you finished singing that, you’re my kind of people. 😉
Talk to me Goose!
What things do you say or do that date you? What tickles your nostalgia bone? Did you ever really crimp your hair??…I did…and it was kind of awesome 🙂
W.T.F. 
I hear you loud and clear! I am feeling so old too (turned 34 in December). Hubby is 36 next month so I’ll feel a little younger then.. Time certainly is flying for me. It bothers me most when I see how independent my twins are becoming.
I’m 8 mths older than my husband and he just loves to act like that makes him cooler. It doesn’t. He looks like a tool when he throws down a Tu Pac rap at this point. He tries though.
Lol! Would luv to see that rap!! I was cool (at least I think I was) about ten years ago.. I have no idea what’s cool anymore.
It took me a long time to embrace skinny jeans. I’m not ready for those to go out of fashion just yet. I might just give up on fashion altogether. It’s just nice to have clean clothes after you have kids, right?
Yes! Even better than just clean is when your clothes are in your dresser…free of wrinkles because you were able to fold them the same day they came out of the dryer.
Yes that is amazing when that happens! I try to buy clothes that don’t need much ironing and NEVER buy anything that’s handwash only. Ugh! :0)
What’s an iron? You mean the thing I use to straighten my hair? Lol… The only way I know to get wrinkles out is to throw it in the dryer with a damp rag for a few minutes. That’s all I got.
Now why didn’t I think of that! ;0)
Loool! (Shucks …are we still allowed to say loooll!???)
I didn’t get the memo if not… Lol. Now “shucks” is questionable!!! Thanks, as always, for laughing with, or perhaps, at me 🙂
With…for now! 🙂
I basically at the point where I’m yelling “get off my lawn” at all the youngsters who are hot-rodding on my lawn.
Hot-rodding cannot be tolerated. Damn kids probably listening to that “rap” music and smokin’ them tweeds.
Word indeed. I don’t have kids and that’s a good thing. The best feeling is when something pops out of my mouth and my nieces and nephews laugh, and my sister doesn’t.
That’s pretty funny. I’m an easy target for “getting older” when it comes to anything remotely pop culture right now. I live under a rock. It’s awful.
I’m 36. I have gray hairs in droves. My joints hurt if they stay in one position too long. I have to get up at least once a night to empty my bladder. Fuck this getting old shit.
My bladder empties without my permission and not just at night. At it’s leisure is more like it. Having two little 7 lb nuggets hang out inside of me for three trimesters ruined my innards. Age is slowly killing my outter. And I’m beginning to believe that what gravity doesn’t take down, arthritis will. I salute your “fuck this getting old shit” attitude.
Woohoo!
I made the mistake of teaching elementary school children for a career. Those little stinkers (old person term) made me feel ancient when I was 22.
O I bet! I can’t handle it when my 4yo says, “…but you can’t Momma because your too old””!”. Really? I beg to differ.
I know what you mean. I’m Turing 32 in a couple of days. 20 years ago no longs means the 80’s. I have a girl friend of mine who is five years younger. The other day she commented that she’s almost ten years older than her teens. I told her I’m almost twenty years older than when I started them. It’s almost surreal. My little brother will be 29 in a week. That’s just crazy to me.
“20 years ago no longs means the 80′s” …I’ve said those same words in utter disbelief.
Happy birthday to you. Hope your 32nd one is painless.
Hahahahaha you’re only 33 that was the best part about this. I wasn’t sure how old you were until now but reading all of this (though I already relate and don’t even have children yet) made me think you must have been far older than me. Nope!
TALK TO THE HAND.
I’m an old (sad) soul. I know it’s only the beginning but I’ll still whine about it. Whenever I see a new gray hair I just tease the shit out of it and wrap it in florescent pink scrunchy. It doesn’t do anything for the gray but it somehow calms me.
HAHAHA! Everything about this comment feels like poetry.
christ! i’m older than all of you little whippersnappers:)
Yo mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.
Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch
Yo mama’s so old, she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro
I couldn’t help myself.
hahahahahahaha!!!!! i might still be in school during menopause. WTF;)
Belly laughed…That is all.
No better comment than that!
Im 33 in December. Im feeling you. My 13 yr old has started pointing out my physical flaws ( jokes on her she doesnt realise shes only 19 short years away from all this) ( oh god now Ive made myself anxious. TIME SLOW DOWN!! )
any one got a paper bag there for me to pant into….
Kids these days!!!!! Ugh. I agree… Time definitely makes me anxious. Whether it’s too much of it on my hands (that never really happens) or not enough.
Ha! Wait until you near 40. It gets much worse. “Mommy, what’s a record player?” My kid had no idea what it was at age 4.
Reblogged this on W.T.F. and commented:
I think my birthday (and everyone else’s) should be at least a week long celebration! Yes, birthdays are that awesome in my book. I’m turning a year older at the end of this week and figured I would share again with you a couple of posts that highlight the 30-something version of me 🙂 Enjoy!
Congratulations on reaching your 30s before this started. I’m 21 yet for the past 2 years I’ve not left the house without a coat if it’s cold. I complain about fashion (boys- wear a belt, I don’t want to see your underwear and it would be a lot easier for you to walk and girls- crop tops aren’t suitable for winter!!). I tell kids in my family that when I was a kid our greatest toy was our imagination, not an iPad. And since when did 7 year olds get twitter? And what 7 year old needs a smartphone or any phone in fact? I was so proud that my first phone actually had a colour screen! I was so lucky.
I’d like to say I am timeless, but the truth is I now think that the music kids listen to today is just noise.
In my defense, it really is.
Darn whippersnappers.
Youth is wasted on the young.
Youth and beauty…damn kids don’t appreciate it! And yes, the “music” is noise. I can’t take one more raunchy pop queen or generic “artist” than can’t play a singer instrument or write his own songs.
I want MY Mtv.
Hey, I am turning a year older after the end of this week. Go Team Pisces!
I wasn’t allowed to crimp my hair…would totally mess up the radical perm I had. Or just fry it some more. Thank goodness for banana clips.
I’ll see your rolled up jeans, and add that I tried that with ones that had zippers on them. Acid washed, too. Matched my tri-color laced LA Gears.
Ha! The caption I wrote under the “tight-rolled” pic almost read, “They were either tight rolled or zipped”!!…I didn’t know if anyone would know what I was talking about. You’re awesome for sharing the love!!!
I am always drawn to (or swim towards…lol) other Pisces 🙂
I turn 31 in March, and I am a proponent of ‘oh-back-in-my-days….’. I have a problem with many things. From newage crappy movies, songs, sitcoms(I loved full house, who’s the boss, prince of bellair…yes go ahead and laugh:p)….to kids not going outside to play and sitting with their lazy butts on ipads!!! Trust me, I actually have a freaky list. So you are not alone in feeling the way you do. I honestly feel kinda superior and proud when I think about the good ‘ol days;)…
Telephones used to have dials. Now nothing has dials. When’s the last time you heard anyone even use the word “dial?”
Oh this is hilarious!! I’m 5 years ahead of you and I get it. I really do.
A few years back, my older kids discovered some great music. They thought it was the best! “You got to listen to this mom!”
Turns out it was Black Sabbath.
Oh how funny! My daughter is a lover of music and just can’t believe I know “so many good songs”. As if I can’t possibly know anything outside of “the wheels on the bus” and “you are my sunshine”!
Ha! You kill me. My son was inquiring how old I was when I got my FIRST cell phone. I said, “Well, it was 1998 so I was 26.” He replied with, “Wow! You were OLD!” To which I responded with, “Yes, but cell phones haven’t been around for very long. They’re still new.” And then I did the math. That was 17 years ago. Holy S*#t! That’s not new at all … now I’m feeling O.L.D. old.
To say the 90’s doesn’t feel like that Kong ago but like you said…do the math and ouch! I’ll be 34 tomorrow but that doesn’t matter cuz it’s my birthday! All birthdays are worth celebrating in my book 🙂
Happy happy birthday!!!
Thanks, Jessica 😉