- If you see a Mom disciplining her child in public, back her up by not paying attention.
Do not engage Mom or child and for the love of God please, do not gawk at the situation with disapproving eyes. If nothing else, high five Mom afterwards for not caring what you think and taking care of the situation as needed. When Moms feel less humility about disciplining her child in front of you, you will feel less aggravation with the youth of tomorrow.
- Please try to say something other than, or at least in addition to, “You are so pretty” to our daughters.
Moms spend every day trying to instill that beauty is not just skin deep. Enforce that. It will work to make the next generation of women that much stronger.
- Please engage Mom before her children.
It’s off putting for a stranger to start a conversation with a child without acknowledging the parent first. Please remember that young children are in the midst of being taught vital lessons on how to keep themselves safe and that includes not talking to strangers. Moms need to give her kids the impression that it is ok to converse with you. She can’t do that if you don’t look at her first.
- If you are going to acknowledge one child for his adorableness, please do so for his sibling(s) as well.
It’s understood that babies and toddlers are adorable little creatures with their puffy cheeks and mischievous smiles. However, if you only point out the younger one because, “He is just so cute”, the older child sees and feels that. Please don’t make a Mom point out that there is another child standing right next to her. The older one notices and feels that too.
- Offer to return her shopping cart for her.
Odds are if you don’t, it’s going to get left because Momma bears won’t stray too far in order to put it back; although, she’ll feel guilty about leaving it. Your car may thank you for it later.
- Open or hold the door for her!
This will serve your conscious well; as well as, your karma. Ignoring a Mom with kids in tow (or anyone for that matter) and letting the door close behind you because you don’t want to wait two seconds is going to piss the universe off. You’ll get yours and when you do, just remember that time you forgot to use your manners.
- If you currently have children, or remember what it is like to raise them, give a Mom that knowing smile.
An understanding, “I totally get it” or “I’ve been there” smile is worth a thousand compliments. Confirmations from other club members are priceless.
** Have any you would like to add?? Please do share! **
W.T.F. 
I just mind my own business. I hated it when the twins were young and EVERYONE would stop to gawk at them and ask questions. LEAVE ME ALONE, ASSHOLES!
I totally agree with all of this. I also don’t appreciate it when people offer them sweets without checking with you first! :0)
That’s just craziness. I would never do that. Have you ever had people touch your kids?? I have and I swear I almost attacked them. I’m just very sensitive to that stuff.
No, but I wouldn’t be happy of they did. That would be very strange. I heard recently that you aren’t supposed to force children to hug people when saying hello and goodbye when they don’t want to.. Even family members. It prevents them telling the difference between healthy and unhealthy touch. Makes perfect sense really.
That makes more sense than most will even realize. I think a lot if people would say “good grief!” And that perhaps that Is going too far but speaking from my point of view…it could change a child’s life. I’m glad you shared that with me.
I think it makes sense. By forcing them to hug people when they don’t feel like it, you’re forcing them to do something they don’t want to. Obviously hugging the grandparents is harmless, but it helps them decide when and if they want to touch or hug someone. And if they were ever to feel pressured to do something when you’re not around they will be more likely to refuse as this this decision has been respected previously.
I’d add turn a blind eye to the child of potty training age having to take a pee in a drain!
…or anywhere outside…or even perhaps in his pants if he doesn’t make it there on time. Good One (=
Obe morning I was having a hard time getting my oldest out of the car to go into school. The car rider line usually goes pretty swiftly, but this particular morning had been challenging and the mom two cars behind me actually honked and yelled REALLY! AT ME, I was was so ticked that as a mom she couldn’t understand this situation.
And she probably fell on her ass later on that day! Karma is a bitch (:
another Hi to T.Dawn…well, as i read your previous topic regarding your BABY AND GOD…i liked that and thanks for replying…first of all i liked this topic too…truly, when somebody touches my little angle pinky cheeks; gives me the feeling FIRSTLY that oh yeh my baby is sweet, then i try to figure out how she reacts! Being a baby child and have a less knowledge of cruel world she comes under the impression that, yeh that guy is praising me, he is really good. According to me situation turns from here, in that case we cannot stop any person touching, giving sweets/chocs to our babies; with whatever thought he/she come close to our children s, we cannot harshly, forcibly, stop him/her because its not comes under etiquette, being a father of a daughter i firstly teach her the difference between stranger and us (us means our whole family). But be careful, child has very innocent heart, once our words get into their mind and heart its damn difficult to remove, so while teaching the stranger differentiation don’t tell the horrific stories about them, and slowly teach her/him that just look at your parents eyes first, if any unknown person trying to play with you or giving eatables. Seeing at parents eyes means to get the permission from parents to play or not, to take things or not.
Compliment the Mom (or Dad) when the child(ren) are well behaved. It goes a long way to help them know that they are doing things right. I work in retail and when someone comes to my line and the children are polite and not throwing tantrums I let the parents know…especially if a screaming child can be heard not that far from where we are.
Yes! That is so very appreciated. I just hope that when my kid comes through an he is having a “out of his mind” moment, don’t hold it against me! These crazy bastards turn on a dime!
for the most part I do my best to ignore a child when he is having one of those moments…especially since the parent is already aware of it and they do not need to be reminded of it. I have younger siblings, nieces and nephews and even the best child can have one of those days…it is part of being human and testing boundaries and limits…and we have all had our own meltdowns. From what I have been reading you are an awesome Mom and kudos to you!
sure. i will abide by those rules if you”ll abide by mine:
1) don’t let your kid push the shopping cart while in the store. no i don’t think it’s cute that he just ran into my ankle causing me actual physical pain.
2) when i tell you your child is about to do something dangerous that could seriously injure him or her, don’t roll your eyes at me.
3) i have my days too when i don’t want to be bothered, so please tell your child to turn around and leave me the hell alone because i don’t find her adorable the way you do. stranger-danger, right?
4) don’t bring your kid on a date with me (i’m talking single dad) and become annoyed that i command more respect from your child in one day than you have gotten in a llife-time of all of his four short years.
-if we can all abide by these rules, we all will indeed keep everybody happy. can i get an Amen.
Just so we’re clear, I’ve never allowed my child to do any of the things you requested no child does. I write from a Mother’s point of view and with the hopes of spreading kindness. I know you get annoyed with my emphasis on motherhood, it’s quite obvious at this point. I enjoy your frankness most of the time but you can be pretty ruthless in sharing your opinions. You seem to border on hurting my feelings lately and in sticking with your “the truth hurts” policy… It fucking sucks.
nope. not where i’m coming from at all. i’ve had all of the experiences (not opinions) i’ve mentioned. i wasn’t addressing your kids in particular, just the kids i’ve had the pleasure of experiencing. i always say what i mean. i love your blog and i don’t care that it’s about motherhood. i post on religious blogs and i’m not religious. but if something’s said that i had a very different experience on, i’m going to say it. i’ve never been called ruthless before. i usually get asshole. so on a ‘me’ level, i am very honored that i evoked a visceral truth from you. i love your truth. it is unique. i use the same critical eye on myself. but understand where you’re coming from, so i will back the fuck off… my offer still stands on vegas…
And this is why I smile every time I see that I have a comment from you. I don’t know that I know anyone that is as authentic as you.
silly rabbit. we are soul-mates. i love everything about you. everything. so much is lost in translation. like i said before, i do my best to sabotage every great relationship i ever have because i have a fear of intimacy (lone wolf mentality). that sabotage includes women too. just keep being a friend and call me on my bullshit. vegas on three. 1-2-3 VEGAS!:)
I would add if you see a mama getting out of the car heading to the back seat to retrieve a child don’t park so close to her you clip her ass! It’s rude and that baby has to go back in the car at some point and it’s your door that’s going get scratched if you do. Park elsewhere if possible!
GOOD ONE!!!! I hate that and have dropped many a F bombs cursing the inconsiderate bastards.
I think it’s sad that we value beauty so much, especially when it comes to little girls. Beauty is really important to me but intelligence, talent and a kind behavior is worth just as much. I’d like to teach that to kids, too. I don’t wanna compliment them only for their clothes or their looks but also for their behavior or the drawings they make. I try to do that whenever I get the chance. If a kid is acting kind and friendly toward someone, I will give them credit for this. Or if I think they tell amazing stories or do cool drawings, I will say that too. And when it comes to looks, we shouldn’t forget that a lot of boys also need to hear that they are pretty or have nice clothes. It’s not just a girl thing- it’s a human being thing.
However, on the first point: I think that we sometimes need to speak out when a mom disciplines her children (as well as when a dad does it). It all depends on how it’s done. You must be able to tell your children when they’ve misbehaved and there’s no need to raise an eyebrow when a mom is mad about her kid running out in the middle of the street or teasing another kid. Kids must be taught to look after themselves, not exposing them to such risks as running into traffic, and they must be taught to treat people with respect. Lecturing them for something like this is therefore OK. And really, who wants a spoiled little brat? As I feel now, I would definitely tell my kid to snap out of it if they made a scene because they couldn’t have everything they wanted.
But some parents are just plain rude to their kids, bullying them when they’ve upset them. I’ve seen parents mad with frustration because their kid is crying out of hunger or tiredness. This has resulted in them telling their kids that they are horrible human beings and wish they could be more like their siblings, that they aren’t _as good_ as their brothers or sisters. That they are a pain in the ass, that they wish they had left them with their mom/dad instead, let’s see how they’d like that! They’ve even copied their crying, but in a very mocking way.
This is just horrible to watch and I see it as my obligation to act when a parent is treating their kid like that. I understand moms and dads can have bad days and sometimes will lose their temper when a kid doesn’t stop screaming or crying (this would probably happen to me, too) but that’s just the wrong way to go around it, and will most likely lower the kid’s general confidence. I do speak out when I see adults mistreating other adults, so why shouldn’t I when they mistreat kids? I’ve luckily never seen a parent slapping their kid but the verbal abuse is just as bad.
Anyhow, most parents I’ve seen or heard disciplining their kids do it out of love and with a respectful tone. Luckily. Heck, I don’t even say anything when they scream at their kids. Now I think screaming is unnecessary and want to avoid it at all costs, whether I interact with kids or adults (I think I’ve yelled at my boyfriend only once). But I do understand that parents sometimes will do this. After all, we’re human beings and fear may make us angry. It’s when the screaming consists of bullying words and phrases that I react. It’s not OK to bully a kid.