In the Midst of a Heated Love Affair.

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I, unknowingly, opened a flood gate in October of 2013. I was battling one of the worst cases of “What the fuck is wrong with me” spells I’d ever had. My spirit was tattered and for the first time, I started to purge my story on to paper. Now I can’t stop.

I sleep with a pen and paper by my bed now and have quite perfected the art of jotting thoughts in the dark. Many times through out my day, my thoughts stutter. They can’t fire and connect quick enough. I have two young children and a scattered brain competing for my attention at all times. Being a stay at home Mom and choosing to write takes multi-tasking to a whole new level, but I’m managing it with grace… somedays.

I have always kept a journal. I wrote about how smitten I was in second grade that Todd chose me to cheat off of for the spelling test. In a not-really-all-that-much-later one, I recorded what it was like to be 14 years old and shipped, alone, to a different state where the weather was as different as the culture. Fast forward 14 years later and I had started a journal for my unborn daughter. Now, as she is about to turn 5 and my baby boy heads towards 2, I fill one for him as well.

Within the past four months, I’ve gone from writing my stories to telling them. I’ve tapped in to something that has finally allowed me to use the dysfunction implanted in me as a platform to more vividly see and record the world now around me. I can only describe it as a soulgasm of sorts.

I feel like my writing truly is a gift. It gives me a layer of grammatical defense against broken parts. It’s a gift both to share and use as my weapon of choice to dig out the humor, explain a jaded point of view or curate a perspective I didn’t know I had before I chose to write about it.

Writing has turned in to a bit of a love affair for me. When we mesh, it’s a high I could use to fuel a lifetime of passion. When we fight, I sulk. I have to walk away for a little while but we eventually connect again, creating and strengthening the beauty of it all. I will sacrifice almost anything in order to write. It’s that kind of love. I’m buried head deep in the can’t-get-enough-of-it stage of this relationship and my fingers are happily struggling to keep up.

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18 thoughts on “In the Midst of a Heated Love Affair.

  1. This all sounds good. Just don’t sacrifice everything to write. Taking care of your priorities first, like eating well and sleeping well will in turn keep your mind healthy and make you a better writer.

    March on…

    • Thanks for that. It’s done more for me than I ever imagined it would. I started blogging because I needed a hobby or I was going to lose my mind and I’m not the Pinterest type. All I had was my writing so I went with it…and here I am.

  2. I enjoy your blog and your way with words, I hope your love affair with writing blossoms into a healthy loving reciprocal relationship. Writing helps me tremendously and for years, now I know people will disagree, I could not. I agree, your writing is a gift.

  3. wow! i am a stay at home too and like to call myself a writer:).. And I have a 4 year old son and 1 and a half yr old daughter.. some nice little commonalities going on here:).. Also, I totally get this writing affair you’ve written about..some parts of what you wrote are a hundred percent true for me too! Here’s to a lifetime of this lovely affair, and health and joy for our kids:)

  4. “Many times throughout the day, my thoughts stutter.” Love this. It’s so hard multi-tasking with kids. I get a thought and before I can even get it down sometimes, I’ve been interrupted and not that I’m complaining. It’s just hard sometimes for the thoughts to flow freely other than when I lay down at night. Since I started writing, I have the hardest time sleeping unless I have just written a lot that day. It’s a curse and a blessing. 🙂 Glad to see you joined the challenge!

    • It’s so true…if I haven’t written well or at all that day, I have the hardest time falling asleep. Just “going to be early” is not an option any more. Until I have one of those 9pm crashes. Those are quite lovely too.

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