The Nostalgic Skin I’m In.

I realize my journey to “find myself” at 30-something is ripe ammo for a fabulous 40+ to roll her eyes and ask, “What the hell does she know?” I know this because now, when I am faced with a twentysomething, childless opinion, I’m usually discrediting most of it in my older and wiser, beautiful brain.

Vintage? I still wear mine to bed.

Vintage? Really? I still wear mine to bed.

It’s a strange point in life. “My” music is sometimes referred to as classics now by someone that may have never even bought a cd. A Gun’s N Roses t-shirt is considered vintage. My favorite childhood shows are in syndication on Nick at Night and Snoop Dogg is probably drinking more Metamucil than gin and juice these days.

I suppose I am a grown up because I am perfectly capable of driving while holding a mug full of hot coffee.

I now have a hidden box full of incriminating pictures from my teens and 20’s.  Just saying that I dropped film off somewhere definitely dates me.

I’m just grateful our crazy antics were captured on glossy paper and not online. No employer (or my kids) can pull up a face book video of me grinding on my girlfriends, throwing back shot number five and finishing it off with a Molly Shannon “Super Star” pose. I do have that picture but no, you will never see it.

I see high school kids now and they look like such babies. How can they possibly be drinking, experimenting with drugs and having sex!!!…Even though I definitely was at that age.

I realize that sleeping in is a double edge sword because the longer I lie, the more I ache when I get up.

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I partied like it was 1999, when it was 1999.

There are now little people at our poker games. We have to whisper when we cuss and dole out snacks and parental disciplinary in between hands.

WTF is twerking? We called that droppin’ it like it’s hot, and actually looked hot doing it.

I have age spots on my forehead and my husband found a gray hair the day I decided to stay home with the kids. He sure thought that was funny.

Killing two 90’s birds with one stone.

I turn the radio off when I get in the car alone, instead of on these days. I just want to inhale the silence. Either that or I blare Eminem or some old school, raunchy music so I can get my white-girl rap on and shake my lady humps.

This past summer I was swinging with my daughter on her swing set and she told me to “Jump out Momma!” I laughed and told her, she was crazy, I may hurt myself. At what point do we see soaring out of a high-flying swing as a sure-fire way in to paying a high medical deductible, and not the greatest feeling in the world?

It’s become impossible to buy jeans. I can no longer pull off low riders but I’ll die before I am seen in Mom jeans holding up my belly button.

I searched the top music hits because I was looking for some new music and didn’t recognize probably 80% of the “artists”.  So, I just threw a 90’s mix station on to Pandora and found forgotten joy in Champagne SuperNova.

The now 20+ year old teenage mutant ninja turtles and cabbage patch kid dolls are striking a nostalgic nerve with me and my fellow parenting cohorts.  Although, as I walk down the toy aisle, I’m thinking, “When the hell did Barbie go Goth?” and “Why does a pack of garbage pail kids cards cost $4.99 now?”

It’s just all very strange to me.  I’m at a point where I’m starting to carve out a perspective; a life that reflects who I am at my core and the good parts of being alive and a part of this culture for the last 32 years.  At the same time, I’m responsible for mothering two beautifully un-jaded, little souls which in turn, is teaching me how little I actually know about life.

My threshold for dealing with others unwarranted crap has gone way down, and my ability to do whatever I want, despite what others may think, has gone way up.

Saying I am 30-somthing years old doesn’t feel weird. I don’t roll my eyes as if to imply being in my 30’s is a painful place to be.  It’s actually quite the opposite for me. I’m finally at a point where I live without as much angst.

My days are challenging at this point, both in raising my kids and raising myself. It’s exhilarating.

I have so much to look forward to at this point. However, I’ve lived long enough to have something important to say, and am finally at a point where I’m not afraid to say it.

The future feels mysterious and lovely. My past is finally feeling distant and less controlling. Time feels fleeting but appreciated. Life is mundane and simple, but moments feel grand.

My skin is thicker, my brain more powerful and my heart…my heart is vulnerably open. 30 (something) years in the making, and still a lot of work to do. But I’ve come to a place where I can appreciate who I am, where I come from and where I’m going.

This nostalgic skin I’m in…I wear it with pride. It’s me.

Unapologetically me.

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37 thoughts on “The Nostalgic Skin I’m In.

  1. That last paragraph really sums it up. Worth the grey hair just to get to that point (me, not implying you have greys but I am a little older 🙂 )

    • I actually have a few, according to my husband anyway. But I will gladly take the grey over my 20’s. I suppose my 20’s could have been great…I just don’t remember that much about them.

  2. I feel ya! As a 40 something year old, coming from a mother who still dreads getting old even though she is 53… I am holding up quite well, mentally. I raised three kids on my own, and I was sure when I turned 40 (much less 33 you young un’) I was going to be depressed and miserable and looking into plastic surgery. NOPE! When I got to 40, I was ready! I deserved that shit. 40 was my reward for surviving and thriving for that long. And each year I get older, I just get better.

    So you go girl! And enjoy every year, because YOU EARNED IT!!!!!

  3. I think it could be said, that the older you get, the more you notice and actively think about what is going on around you. That, compared to when you were younger, you took part more freely in what was going on around you.

    As cliche as it sounds, you are as old as you feel. I feel like I’m 17. I have Friends that are my age of 44 and look younger

    Damn them all to he’ll! I want my hair and eyesight back! 🙂

    http://www.zerobelief.com

      • I just a kick out of the “kids”….”discovering” something, thinking they own it, we know NOTHING about it….when in reality, it’s recycled, and being spoonfed to them the way hot topic used to spoon feed “punk” to the kids about ten years ago….just as “goth” was fading out….

        http://www.zerobelief.com

  4. I got way more grey hairs than you! (14 to be precise).
    I think our 30’s are great years.. I’m much more happy and confident now. I can’t party like I used to, my body really doesn’t like it.
    Have an amazing day tomorrow!! 🙂

    • I say f-you to the grey! And I will always argue that those particular strands of hair (that always seem to stick straight up) are just glossy, blonde. Not grey…my husband disagrees with an eye roll every time.

      My 30’s are the best thing that ever happened to me! I actually have something brewing in my head right now that might bring a little more to all for you me and the rest of us 30-something Mommas. I’ll be posting details soon…I hope.

  5. Replace your decades with the 60s and 70s, and I’m there! Welcome to truly enjoying being yourself…it just keeps getting better. (And as I push closer to 65 later on this year, I have decided I’m not putting up with gray hair anymore, and have gone back to coloring it.) Happy birthday! – Fawn

    • It’s a bit of like breathing fresh air, finally being at a place in life where the skin I’m in feels good on me.

      I have a lot more to learn and could start by listening to beautifully, confident women like you. I am working on incorporating a way for us women to share and learn more from each other…more details to come.

      Keep an eye open on upcoming posts. !!!

  6. Yeah, the music I grew up to coming on Classic stations is unnerving. It’s also quote scary to think that the start of the 90’s was 24 years ago…OUCH. I’m going to need to be in a fetal position today. 😀

    • 24 yrs ago??? That just sounds impossible. I just sold my 2005 mazda and had to stop myself from referring to it as “newer”, when the guy asked how old it was. …you can’t really call a car that’s 9 yrs old “newer”.

      • I had my 18 yr old niece in the car while I was pleasantly singing along to Blind Melon’s “…and I start to complain when there’s no rain.” I spoke to myself out loud (like I do) and said, “I wonder what the bumble bee girl is up to these day.” My niece’s face was priceless. She thought I was completely nuts.

  7. I remember partying like it was 1999 when that was a new song.
    wait til you’re rocking out to the radio, then realize it’s an oldies station, then not caring.
    (I haven’t gotten to that last one yet. I’m still offended the GREAT music I love is “oldies” and not just Classic.)

    • So funny you say that because I had the saddest realization the other night as my husband turned (the fact that I say “turned” is actually enough) the radio to a well known adult-contemporary station. …and then started singing along. I realized at that point, shit just got real. We have gone from Beastie Boys to B95.5 soft rock. WTF.

      I loved the first line of your comment. Funny. 🙂

  8. I’m just sick and tired of NEVER having any new music to listen to…..makes me feel Like I’m a junkie, constantly scoping my friend s out to see if they’re listening to something new to me that I’m not familiar with….so depressing that even my favorite stuff (godsmack, zombie, et ) is due for transitioning to adult contemporary pretty soon!

    http://www.zerobelief.com

  9. I loved this! I’ll be 38 this year and it’s strange how much your perspective and patience change. So,etimes I feel like I’m drowning in a pool of 20 somethings with no one who can relate. It’s not that I dislike them, or feel old or anything negative or stereotypical. It’s just that I can no longer relate. I don’t have the same priorities or interests and some things I love they have never even heard! (Especially music). I feel like life only gets better emotionally and mentally even though physically maybe not. Lol

  10. I’ll be 60 this year. Looking back I found 40 the greatest age. I was still in good shape physically, thank you tennis. By 45 I could feel my body was slowing down. But also at 40 I felt I had understood life fairly well, I was satisfied with who I was, I felt I was becoming a better father after 10 years experience with my oldest and I could do better with the three younger ones and my wife and I were really happy together. 40: the golden age! But that’s just me…

    • Thank you for sharing that with me. I love hearing people’s reflections on their lives, how and when they mentally grew the most and their perspective now because of all of it.

    • I did…and tonight I get to celebrate with friends and the hubs so can’t wait for that (:

      Levis are definitely timeless…but so damn expensive!! lol

  11. Absolutely love this! Several parts had me rolling… Snoop dogg, super star pose, white girl rap lmao. I so relate to the sleeping in with my old lady neck & back. Too funny! Thoroughly enjoyed this one!! Ly

    • I would rather make you laugh than just about anything else in this world so … Good! If I’m being honest, I’m still chuckling at that Snoop Dogg line. Ly xoxo

  12. I just loved this post! I’m turning fifty this Wed and I’m just gonna spend the day on your blog. It’s been decided. I don’t care if my family doesn’t think that’s a good celebration – – “let them eat cake.” I’m staying right here.

    • I wish I could celebrate with you!! Especially a 50th! If you didn’t notice, with all my birthday nonsense going on last week, I LOVE birthdays. Celebrating the day we landed on this big old planet is just necessary in my world. The idea that you wish to spend the day with my blog…I can’t even tell you how that lifted me up!

      I get the feeling having a cup of coffee (or wine if it’s past my “ok to drink time of” 3pm) with you would be epic 🙂

  13. Pingback: 6 months, 100 posts, 5 lessons learned. | W.T.F.

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