Driver? Passenger? …Or am I just looking too much in to this one?

letting go

I have a re-occurring dream that until now, I thought I somewhat understood the origin.  While trying to close down the 500 tabs opened in my brain last night, I started thinking about this dream.  I gained a new perspective, that kept me up for at least another hour pondering.

I’m in a car and the car is moving.  I am either in the passenger’s seat or the back seat (I’m sure there is something to that as well) and I am alone in the car.  I realize that no one is driving and very soon I’m going to crash.  So I become panicked and try to crawl in to the driver’s seat to take control of the car.  About the time I get to the wheel, I wake up.  I never actually start driving and I never actually crash.

I used to think this was my subconscious telling me to take control in my life.  Maybe I needed to try harder to make something (I’ve never really been sure what) happen.  I am alone in the car to make clear that only I can do this.  The car is out of control because, perhaps, I am not taking control.

Last night it occurred to me that maybe I need to not jump in the driver’s seat and trust that the car  will get where it is going.  And that I will be safe and protected when I get there.  Maybe that is why I never actually take the wheel or crash.

The concept of someone or something, outside of myself, taking the wheel or laying down the road I’m driving on, has always been a hard pill for me to swallow.  That is the very idea I have been playing tug of war with for the past few years.  I pull as hard as I can and then something happens – I wait a few seconds before going on a green and a truck runs the red light, I stop what I am doing to look at wedding cards and find $90 inside one, a song comes on the radio that is way too coincidental, or a friend stops over to give me things she has extra of and doesn’t really need, but I do.

These events or signs always leave me with no choice but to give on the rope a little…but never fully.  It’s not the principles and/or morals of God that I have ever denied or resisted, but more the dissonance or incongruity I feel when trying to put total and undoubting faith in something. It’s in doing that, and not feeling like I am choosing to completely shed personal responsibility.

This dream has become just another one of the signs, that have kept my pondering spirit on over drive lately.

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20 thoughts on “Driver? Passenger? …Or am I just looking too much in to this one?

  1. thank you for sharing. it’s sure tough for humans to figure out though. we are brought up to think we need to do all that is in our power to get to where we think we need to go… but if we leave it up to who we trust in, it usually takes us to places we never could have imagined!

  2. Hey! I’m searching for people who are interested in learning from their dreams. The School of Metaphysics is having their 25th annual National Dream Hotline® this weekend now until 11:59PM Sunday night. Please feel free to call any time this weekend and get a free interpretation on this dream or any other dream. (630)739-1329

  3. This was interesting! I have actually had a VERY similar dream before, but I’m on the second seat of a tandem bike and nobody is on the first seat, where the steering wheel is! I also try to slide up a seat to take charge. i love dreams and think that someday we will be able to fully understand what they are telling us and how to control the outcomes so it’s sort of like a rehearsal or practice run for life.

    • Oh I like that thought. Then again, I’m not sure I want to know with some of my dreams…I am a vivid dreamer and do so every night. I dream some pretty messed up, chaotic stuff.

  4. Personally I have no belief in god but that doesn’t mean I am or try to be in control of everything (okay, so sometimes I try). I think it’s more of an acceptance that you can’t be in control at all times. There are other things, and other people that have an affect. You control your own actions, and for those you are responsible, but the actions you take are affected by other people, and your actions affect the actions of others. Combined they create the path we are on, the direction we are headed. Just my opinion that I developed when struggling with similar problems.

  5. When I was a kid my parents would sometimes leave us in the car while they ran into the department store (yes, it was safe enough to do this in the 50s). I had a recurring dream that while they were gone, I would drive the car around the block, but I couldn’t ever park it back where I started, so they would always find out and I would get in trouble. A few days after getting my driver’s license at 16, I had the dream again, but I successfully parked the car. The dream never returned…that task had been completed. – Fawn

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