How Farting Saved My Sanity.

I read every, “How to survive a road trip with kids” article I came across, before leaving New York and heading to Florida, with my two young kids, sister and niece. I listened. I had movies, headphones, coloring supplies, magnadoodles and even stick on mustaches for needed silly moments.

I am here to tell you … all my ideas and planning worked for about a hot minute.

I thought I was prepared. I had two go-to-bags full of little surprises, to wave off boredom and interrupt tantrums. The novelty of such little toys wore off pretty quickly, leaving us listening to an almost two year old continuously screaming for a “Poppy” (lollipop) and the five yr old asking more questions than Jesus would have the patience to handle.

Everyone says bring on the electronics. I hate these people. There were more fights over cell phones and tablets than I care to remember. The little man doesn’t grasp the concept of games yet, so every other second came with a “request” to “FIX IT, MOMMA!!” OMG, I thought I was going to tuck and roll right out of that car so many times.

And then, my niece downloaded a farting app. Yes, it exists and it comes with a whole sound board of different deliciously, disgusting noises. Giggles and down right tears of laughter replaced the screaming and whining. And the kids enjoyed it too 🙂

It was like the sky opened up and the angels started to sing…out of their asses. I have always been one to giggle at a sneak attack, passing of the gas; however, this beautiful little app, had us all in stitches.

The poof poof poof of the walking fart…

The explosion of air with delicate rings of nastiness of the pull my finger game…

and the over-all raunchiness of the farting elephant, with his tail being blown in the air, is what saved us.

My ability to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, with the farting piano, made me a total superstar according to my kids.

The toots, butt burps, cornhole tremors, cheek squeaks and good old fashion colon bowlin’ is where it’s at. Whenever we started to lose our minds, be it from the kids fighting or just being completely over being in the car, the farts came out.

We may not be the most sophisticated bunch on the block but we sure know how to laugh! And in the midst of it all, I discovered the key to road trips with young kids, or any aged kids…or even adults for that matter. Download the app or eat your beans and just let ’em rip people. Always remember though, if you find yourself crop dusting in a car full of people, roll the damn window down!