There was a time, when I proclaimed that I would never feed my children chicken nuggets. Once upon a time, I was determined that my kids would never go in public with dirty faces. In all of my new mom glory, I actually believed that what I said goes, no matter what. And then… the reality of parenting bitch slapped me right up side my exhausted head. Parenting turns you into a psychotic mess is tough, and no one can truly understand that until they become a parent themselves.
We mean well, but when the novelty wears off, you do what you have to do, to keep sane and avoid foaming at the mouth while wondering aimless down the street begging strangers to take them away. Being a parent is worth all that it entails, but still, without a sense of humor and an ability to give up on the way you thought it be, you will lose your damn mind. Here are a few more lies we tend to tell ourselves upon entering parenthood.
1. “I’m off duty.”
Ha! This never actually happens. The minute you proclaim freedom, be it bed time, date night or an excuse you’ve found to leave the house for ten minutes, the little people will need you. And only you.
2. “My kid(s) will never act like that.”
Yes they will. More than likely it will be in public and/or in front of “those parents” that have “those children” that always appear to mind their p’s and q’s. Short of a shock collar and duct tape, there is no way you will prevent your child from having flip out, freak out, sassy talking moments.
3. “I’m going to be honest with my children.”
Liar! Honesty is relative to how tired you are. I’m not saying we lie to our kids all the time, but the whole truth and nothing but the truth is best left for the courthouse, not my house.
4. I’ll be a better parent tomorrow.”
No you won’t, but that’s ok. You already kick ass at this gig overall. Some days it’s just harder than others to see this.
5. “I have the best baby in the world.”
Today…maybe. Give it a few days/weeks/months and little horns will begin to protrude from there delicate little heads and there will be crying that sounds like nails on a chalk board… at 3am.
6. “I won’t let my kids watch TV.”
Let me know how that works for you, when you have had a day from hell, and are on the verge of tears because you just need five minutes without demands, whining, fighting or for the love of God just want to finish a single cup of hot coffee.
7. “I will never be a yell-er.”
YES YOU WILL! Not because you want to, but because sometimes, politely telling your child to knock it off will only encourage more madness. Putting a little fear in to the little people is just plain necessary sometimes.
** What lies have you told yourself about parenting? **
W.T.F. 
The biggest lie I’ve told is that I will never be like my parents. But somehow, they keep channeling through me at the least expected times!
I’ve heard this one from friends over and over again. Good one. 🙂
I don’t think I ruled anything out before I had kids. Of course, I had been raising step-children for a couple years prior to the twins’ birth, so I kinda knew what I was in for.
Like the new look!
Thanks TD…The previous theme wasn’t working for me. I wasn’t sure about this look so I’m glad you commented on it.
I can’t even imagine twins!!!
The twins were a lot easier that Baby C. Dear gawd, that child…
I have one of those!
mmm hmm. SO so true.
🙂 Right!? This list could be so much longer I know.
8. “I won’t let my kids eat sugar.” That’s all well and good until your child meets a piñata.
9. “I will never spank my child.” That’s all well and good until your child runs into the street, a car narrowly missing them. What else would make them remember this as a “Never Again” moment? But don’t worry, it’s only one firm smack on the butt – – it’s not like I mistake them for a piñata. (see above)
“I won’t be having any more children.” Oh really? Six kids later, I finally modified that to , , , “I won’t be having any more children that I mistake for a piñata when they run into the street.” (see above)
Ha! Love it. The non-sugar giving, crunchy moms kill me. Usually by their second kid they’re shoving cookies down throats right before dinner just to hush them up! And spanking…paleeze! Time out is a joke most of the time. SIX KIDS LATER….good lawd! I would volunteer to BE the pinata.
Good one, Dawn! And what about …Our Old Parents, when they stay with Us in their Old Age? 🙂
No child should complain about taking care of their aging parents!!! We wiped their butts first!! Hahahaha
Allow me just Two words: ‘My God!’ 🙂
Lol…hope I didn’t offend you. It was honestly the first thing that popped in my head. I should know better than to go with my first thoughts…most of the time.
No, No, my Dear Dawn! You are Quite Right. I had brought it up just to Remind Ourselves that Our difficult times do not …Cease! 🙂
Aahhh. Points 6 and 7: story of my life. Oh and yeah, chicken nuggets: soooo been there myself!
Thanks for reading girl 🙂
I think the one thing as a parent that scares me the most is being exactly like my parents (not a positive in my case).
To this day I have almost no relationship with my parents and while I have no doubt that I would step-up to help them, I prefer to keep them at an arms length away.
I always wonder in the back of my mind if I am parenting like that and how my kids will view me when they are grown. Thankfully my wife keeps me relatively grounded and tells me when I am being an asshat (for lack of a more politically correct term).
Oh, there are enough lies to make a book. Let’s see…I’ll take in every moment with my children. I’ll participate in all school activities. I’ll stay calm, meditate and create a peaceful home. Hahahahaha. Oh, silly girl.
The only “peace” in this house is the “piece” of cake I’m serving to the toddler at 10am, so he’ll stop acting like a mad man for just. one. minute.