There was a time, when I proclaimed that I would never feed my children chicken nuggets. Once upon a time, I was determined that my kids would never go in public with dirty faces. In all of my new mom glory, I actually believed that what I said goes, no matter what. And then… the reality of parenting bitch slapped me right up side my exhausted head. Parenting turns you into a psychotic mess is tough, and no one can truly understand that until they become a parent themselves.
We mean well, but when the novelty wears off, you do what you have to do, to keep sane and avoid foaming at the mouth while wondering aimless down the street begging strangers to take them away. Being a parent is worth all that it entails, but still, without a sense of humor and an ability to give up on the way you thought it be, you will lose your damn mind. Here are a few more lies we tend to tell ourselves upon entering parenthood.
1. “I’m off duty.”
Ha! This never actually happens. The minute you proclaim freedom, be it bed time, date night or an excuse you’ve found to leave the house for ten minutes, the little people will need you. And only you.
2. “My kid(s) will never act like that.”
Yes they will. More than likely it will be in public and/or in front of “those parents” that have “those children” that always appear to mind their p’s and q’s. Short of a shock collar and duct tape, there is no way you will prevent your child from having flip out, freak out, sassy talking moments.
3. “I’m going to be honest with my children.”
Liar! Honesty is relative to how tired you are. I’m not saying we lie to our kids all the time, but the whole truth and nothing but the truth is best left for the courthouse, not my house.
4. I’ll be a better parent tomorrow.”
No you won’t, but that’s ok. You already kick ass at this gig overall. Some days it’s just harder than others to see this.
5. “I have the best baby in the world.”
Today…maybe. Give it a few days/weeks/months and little horns will begin to protrude from there delicate little heads and there will be crying that sounds like nails on a chalk board… at 3am.
6. “I won’t let my kids watch TV.”
Let me know how that works for you, when you have had a day from hell, and are on the verge of tears because you just need five minutes without demands, whining, fighting or for the love of God just want to finish a single cup of hot coffee.
7. “I will never be a yell-er.”
YES YOU WILL! Not because you want to, but because sometimes, politely telling your child to knock it off will only encourage more madness. Putting a little fear in to the little people is just plain necessary sometimes.
** What lies have you told yourself about parenting? **
W.T.F. 