Don't take life too serious.

Rebuilding

rebuilding

I scrape the pen against my flesh

hoping new words will spill out

but they don’t.

I bang the keys

begging thoughts to connect

but they won’t.

Frustration sears my brain

depleting passion

executing creativity.

My spirit left brittle

thin skin torn

a travesty.

My one true remedy

out of reach

unable to help me cope.

I didn’t pace my pain

and ignored my body’s voice

a martyr’s hope.

I denied the whole self

tending only to the suffering

suffocating the purpose.

I poked at the wounds

until my soul bled out

leaving me wordless.

I see now the signs

warning me

to protect my heart.

Choosing to push harder

in spite of the whispers

I broke my art.

I need to redesign

my way of healing

with more self compassion.

I need to cultivate

a recovery with

more distractions.

I can’t focus

on only what has

brought me pain.

I need to gravitate

more to what

keeps me sane.

Love is all around me

looking at me

with adoring eyes.

I’ll continue to hurt

if I choose

to over empathize.

What once felt

like it

set me free

Led me

to the dark side

of vulnerability.

The backlash to

opening myself up

this way

Has reminded me

I’m only human and

and I can’t hurt the pain away.

I’ll continue to

move towards

the fear

Banishing shame and

shouting the words

survivors need to hear.

But I can’t put

my life

at risk

My depression

remains too

thick.

For the sake

of my heart

body and mind

I have to

tread lightly

towards this mission of mine.

***