kids will eat you alive

10. “Knock Knock.”

Oh please, God NO! Their attempts at learning humor can be painful.

9. “Momma, how did I get out of your belly?”

I had a C-section, so I let my scar explain this one. Don’t judge my avoidance at the “real” answer please. My four year old always has follow up questions, and I’m not prepared to tell her how babies get in our tummies yet.

8. “You had a job?”

Yes, child. Your Mother utilized her college degree before you forced her brain to rationalize ketchup as an acceptable vegetable. Thanks for the extra flavor of surprise in your voice when asking that.

7. “I don’t want you to be my Mommy anymore!”

Ha! …ok not gonna lie, this one stung a bit. However, I felt it necessary to tell her to “Get over it!” anyway.

6. “No, I’m not lying”.

All of a sudden, my little girl lies like it’s her job. She won’t back down, even when the green marker on her hand matches the green hearts on the wall.

5. “Mom, come look!”

Why. Why do I have to see every color she uses on the picture, every attempt at a front flip and come listen every freakin’ time she tries to whistle! I still can’t really whistle. Hang it up girl, it’s not going to happen for you.

4. “Mom, I need you!”

I will never object to helping my daughter or doing something she needs me to do. Having said that, her frequent idea of “need you” is just another one of her lies. Her needs are confused with believing I am a maid, personal chef or another four year old.

3. “I just want to be a princess when I grow up!”.

I’m convinced four year old girls are addicted to pretty things. I went above and beyond to prevent this from happening but somehow my daughter still glorifies princesses. Ugh. For the love of God, could Disney just please put one of their female characters in freakin’ pants.

2. “Can we listen to my music?”

I have come to despise nursery rhymes. Kids are repetitive by nature, add a catchy sound and I’d rather hang out in a snow bank.

1. “But_____.”

Fill in the blank. Four year olds are all aspiring to be sadistic little lawyers. They think everything in their lives is up for debate. They force us to say things we swore we would never say like, “because I said so”. But nothing, child. Please, for the love of all that is sacred to your Momma, just. don’t. argue. with. me.

Anyone else notice a drastic change in their child’s fourth year of life? Mine has started to look so much further than what is on the surface but at the same time, can’t stop laughing at words like poop and butt and poopy butt. Her questions are more difficult to answer and her battles are harder to fight (and win).

Am I the only one that feels that a four yr old is equipped with enough energy and fury to put you on your knees some days? Is there a question she/he asked you that left you speechless or laughing out loud?

10. “Knock Knock.”

Oh please, God NO! Their attempts at learning humor can be painful.

9. “Momma, how did I get out of your belly?”

I had a C-section so I let my scar explain this one. Don’t judge my avoidance at the “real” answer please. My four year old always has follow up questions and I’m not prepared to tell her how babies get in our tummies yet.

8. “You had a job?”

7. “I don’t want you to be my Mommy anymore!”

Ha! Your beautiful yet manipulative little eyes and words will only work on your daddy honey.

6. “No, I’m not lying”.

All of a sudden, my little girl lies like it’s her job. She is worthy of being employed by the mob at this point. She won’t back down even when the proof of red nail polish is on the window I’m pointing at AND on the fingers she used to paint it with.

5. “Mom, come look!”

Why. Why do I have to see every color you use on the picture, every attempt at a front flip and come listen every freakin’ time she tries to whistle! I still can’t really whistle. Hang it up girl, it’s not going to happen for you.

4. “Mom, I need you!”

3. “I just want to be a princess when I grow up!”.

I'm one e-i-e-i-o from jumping. — I’m one e-i-e-i-o from jumping.

2. “Can we listen to my music?”

I have come to despise nursery rhymes. Kids are repetitive by nature. Add a catchy sound and it’s a small world, all damn day.

1. “But…”

Fill in the blank. Four year olds are all aspiring to be sadistic little lawyers. They think everything in their lives is up for debate. They force us to say things we swore we would never say like, “because I said so”. But nothing child. Please, for the love of all that is sacred to your Momma, just. don’t. argue. with. me.