Depression, Not Suicide, Took Life From Him.

At the core of what I know about depression, is the truth that emptiness fuels it. How can a man that we see as so full of life, be so empty. That, is depression. Learning of Robin Williams suicide, I am paralyzed at the power of this disease.

In ways, his death scares the shit out of me.

I have depression. I treat it, but still battle with it. I’ve felt despair so thick that it becomes a barrier against feeling anything else. One is very weak in that moment. Love, friends, success, children – it’s all seen as existing in spite of you. Yes, I gave my children life, but in that dark space it feels like I am now the one draining the life out of them. And everyone else around me.

Even knowing the grips and lashes of depression, I’m profoundly sad and shocked that Robin Williams took his own life. He talked candidly in interviews about his struggles with mental illness and the many treatments he tried. He could have afforded to have world renowned psychiatrist and psychologists on staff. But that wasn’t enough. Sometimes it’s just not. Perhaps it’s better said that it was the depression that took life from him.

I’m wondering where his brilliant mind was at, and the thoughts that led him to end his life. Did he see the decision as a sacrifice for his loved ones? Was the pain finally just too much? No one can say.

So many of us are walking around these days, on the edge of whatever it is keeping our being together. Not lost souls, but individuals with dark spots on our every days. Some days we’re better at seeing through the spots. Some days we’re not.

I don’t know what to take away from Robin Williams death. I’m struggling with hope. I’m at ease for his new peace. I’m consumed with the idea that no matter who you are and how capable you are of fighting this disease, sometimes it’s just not enough.

Try to see the pain through his eyes. Take a different angle, and never judge someone else's battle.

Try to see the pain through his eyes. Take a different angle, and never judge someone else’s battle.

 

 

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10 thoughts on “Depression, Not Suicide, Took Life From Him.

  1. I, too, know what that black hole feels like. It’s unbearable. It’s triple hell. It HURTS.
    Apparently, Robin Williams could not find his way out. I’ve always said that one can put on a metaphorical mask, bright red lipstick and fool the f*cking world. That’s what he did. That’s what many of us do…So damn sad…

    • I can’t think that the same disease that manifested in a way that made him one of our most beloved celebrities, also contributed to his death. How sad to have a talent like his mask such a horrific battle… You said it well…its just so damn sad. Thanks for reading and commenting girl.

  2. I struggle with this. For the past few days a radio campaign has gone on here in Ireland. It has been led by families of those who have committed suicide. They want it to be clearly stated if a death is by suicide. This, they feel is the only way we will all come to understand and accept the numbers of loved ones we are losing to this method of death.
    Yes depression was the underlying cause of suicide here, but the actual death was self inflicted. It needs to be documented.
    Knowing Robin Williams committed suicide allows us all to discuss depression.
    I saw a great post today by an Irish charity, Pieta house, who support those who feel suicidal. It was very simple. They asked us all to take a moment today to ask someone how they feel.
    We need to start talking about mental illness. It is still something many of us hide.

    • I think we all hide it to a certain extent. It bothers me to know bend that still to this day, a person who has committed suicide will have “died suddenly” in their obituary, instead of the actual cause. I think this started out of not wanted to bring shame on to the persons family. That is the problem though. Mental illness is associated with shame, not support. Especially when suicides occur. Our cultures need to be adjusted. I don’t think the average person has a clue as to how many suicides occur in their hometowns in a year. But ask someone if they know of a person that has died by suicide and odds are they will say yes. It’s only hurting the cause to keep associating suicide with shame and weakness. Thanks so much for the comment Tric.

  3. Depression blows. Sometimes I’m still reluctant to talk about it because I don’t want to feel like a burden on the people I’m talking to. It’s messed up because I know that were the positions reversed, I’d WANT that person to talk to me.

    • It still rattles me to talk about it sometimes. And I feel the same way you do, I want people to talk about it. It’s just hard to find my own voice at times. “Depression blows”…couldn’t have said it better myself.

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