Walking In My Husband’s Worn Out Work Boots.

work boots

“Every day I come home to a frazzled wife, a messy house and whiney children.”

I’m not mad at my husband for saying that. It was out of frustration, in the midst of a healthy morning argument. Ok maybe I was a little at first…or maybe a lot. Maybe, initially I took it as a personal attack on how I run this house and wanted to fly across the room, matrix style, and connect my foot with his jewels. But after grabbing the keys, spinning the tires out of the driveway, going for a ride by myself and stewing over it for at least 24 hours…I got it. I would be lying if I said I didn’t already know he felt this way. Some days, it’s written all over his face when he walks in the house.

I could get my panties in a bunch about this and start ranting about all the unknowns I do in a day that prevent me from keeping my house clean and how dare he blah, blah, blah. The truth is, I know my husband has the same love/hate relationship with me being a SAHM as I do. He’s just graciously refrained from saying it…until now.

Here’s another truth I stumbled upon this morning: A man so candidly stating he hates living in a dirty house, dealing with whiney children and a psychotic (insert nervous laugh) wife will no doubt have a mob of angry, duck faced women, shaking their heads and wagging their fingers (yep…right there with them!). He would be a total asshat that my girlfriends and I would crucify over coffee while our whiney, ungrateful kids create more of a mess around us. It occurred to me that I complain about those things on the daily to my girlfriends and if I didn’t have that option, I would implode in to a hot mess worthy of electric shock therapy.

Believe me, it feels weird to be defending men so vigorously, but this time it’s personal and I’m connected to it by my heart strings.

This is not a post for making excuses for the chauvinistic, only a father and husband on paper kind of man. I know that man. I know women that are unfortunately married to that man. That man doesn’t deserve the effort his wife, unbeknownst to him, devotes to him.

This is a post about putting my self in a hard working man’s worn out boots. Steel toed boots that carry a man who always puts his family first and says thank you after finishing a supper I cooked, whether he loved it or not. A man that vacuums the stairs and washes the windows because he knows it’s hard enough for me to stay on top of the “normal” chores. A man that brushes his daughter’s hair before bed and snuggles with his son when he is sick. A man that rolls over and reaches for me in his sleep. My man.

There are countless blogs full of stories about the struggles of, and the thankless job that is being a SAHM. And I will probably write another one next week, but today I want to just say thank you. Thank you to the Men that raise their children, that are true partners for their better halves. To the ones that bite their tongues when they come home and can’t quite understand how the house looks like a bomb went off, but choose to acknowledge his family instead of the mess.

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52 thoughts on “Walking In My Husband’s Worn Out Work Boots.

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  4. Dawn…this one made me cry……I think this is great…you should put all this in a book for new moms and get it published….a book I would have added to my collection of self-help books in a heartbeat!

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    • Thanks for reading. My husband’s reaction to reading this was quite comical. He read the first few lines and wasn’t happy but by the end he didn’t have much to say…which for him meant he liked it.

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    • I don’t think relationships work any other way. You have to absorb all of it…the good with the bad. A golden rule for me, when it’s beginning to feel mundane or hostile or just bleh…”be the change you want to see”. It works every time…not that I suck up my pride enough to actually live that promise every time but, ya know. Kudos to you for realizing what being a “good” husband is all about.

  16. Reblogged this on W.T.F. and commented:

    I was reminded this week, why the love for my husband remains so strong. It got me thinking about this post. So I decided to share it again and join the crew over at the moonshine grid. 🙂

  17. I remember when I was a kid and the last 1/2 hour of the day before Daddy was due home from work was a team effort to “get the house ready for Daddy to be home”. My stay at home Mom was always very conscious of the fact that he was out working to keep us fed and sheltered, and we celebrated his homecoming by “straightening up” the house and starting dinner (and then rushing out the front door when he arrived in our daily race to be the first one to kiss him hello). I miss those days. – Fawn

  18. Visiting here from the Moonshine grid. This was a great post. I was a SAHM. I remember looking forward to my husband returning from work, so I could have a five minute break. He, of course, was looking forward to coming home and having time to recuperate from his day. It sounds like you and your husband appreciate one another. It’s nice to hear thank you or say thank you once in a while.

    Now I am just an empty-nest mom without a profession or career. I think I was more organized and my house was cleaner when I had to take care of two kids. I haven’t quite figured out why that is, but it might be the two sheepdogs I got when the kids moved out. I don’t recommend it. They just make a mess, and they never clean up 🙂

    • Hi Robin. I smiled when you spoke about looking forward to a five minute break but that’s what your husband was looking for, when he got home from work. I know that dance all too well. My sister is an empty nest Mom and I see her struggling with it. She went back to college and is trying to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up 🙂 It does make me appreciate the time with my young family a little bit more. And I already have the dogs…I need to get around to writing about the crazy things my Wiemariner has done in her life. She is worse than the kids some days.

      Thanks for swinging in and reading my story. It’s one of my favorites. I never thought I would be a SAHM. I wrote this early on and was a bit overwhelmed with it all. In the end, its actually strengthened our relationship.

  19. I love the way you put yourself in your husband’s shoes for this post. Let’s face it, we can’t expect our partners to see our point of view unless we make the effort to see theirs. I think this is the reason my mom and dad used to make a point of going out as a couple at least once a month if not every other week though. Especially when my baby brother had colic until he was two.

    • Thanks Vanessa. It doesn’t happen every time but this particular one, something clicked, and I could. It took a lot of deep breathing, space and a good nights sleep to really get myself there, but it happened 🙂

      It’s hard to make your marriage a priority when the kids are young. I really feel like time away from them is one of the only ways to do that. We try to get out at least once a month as well.

  20. Both jobs are tough work. I think we end up appreciating each other more when we take the time to acknowledge just how hard it is for each other – like you do here.

    • Thanks Natalie. I agree. It’s not an easy thing to do. It’s so easy to feel like you have the harder of the two jobs and take the other person for granted…just had a whole week worth of that going on around here. But in the end, forcing ourselves to communicate intimately and letting our actions show that we aren’t taking the other person for granted is how it has to be.

      BTW…I’m working on my Dammit List right now 🙂

  21. He brushes your daughter’s hair before bed and cuddles with your son when he’s ill? That is the sweetest thing ever. EVER. I really loved this and your last line was of course, perfection. More marriages would survive if they could read a blog like this written by both genders. LOVE!

    • Thank you Stephanie…that means a lot. We all have our faults, I have many and my husband is no damn saint, but it is so nice when something hits you and you can see a little clearer, the important things right in front of you. I wish it happened to me more often!

  22. Brilliant post, and so important to remember how great the men we are attached to with our heart strings are – it is too easy to lump then together in some sort of chauvinistic ball of uncaring testosterone. Life’s a bit more complicated that and you summed that up perfectly. Thank you

    • Thank you…such a nice comment. And “lumping them all together” is something that happens all the time I think. For both women and men. Thanks for reading. Hope your having a nice, relaxing weekend…if you are I’m jealous. My kids are going nuts this morning. lol.

  23. This is lovely. It’s how good relationships work. One thing I’ll say for my partner and me, we both have a keen appreciation for the job the other does. We recognise that he couldn’t do mine and I couldn’t do his.

    • Agreed. Sounds like you guys “get it”. I wish it was a constant thing but life distracts us from showing, and not just telling, each other we appreciate each other. When we do make our way back around to each other, it is so gratifying. Writing this was a result of one of those loops.

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